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July

In Sahel, in love. That’s where it happened. Not some big, slow-burning movie moment — just me with the sea that seemed to have a heart of its own, reminding me of you, and a feeling I’d been carrying since that trip to ras sedr. You don’t know this, but I’ve been holding bahebek in my mouth like a secret ever since that day. Since you laughed in the sun and looked at me like the world made sense. Since I held you in that pool and the world disappeared. That trip changed something in me. That’s when it started. From that point on, it’s like the word was sitting just behind my teeth every time we talked. Every time you sent a sweet text. Every time I smiled and didn’t say what I was really feeling. Bahebek. I finally said it. Over text, in Sahel, with my heart pounding and my thumb hovering over the send button like it was about to change something. It wasn’t rehearsed. It wasn’t dressed up. It wasn’t even in person. But it was real. I didn’t need you in front of me to mean it. I’d been living in that moment since Ras Sedr — that was just the first time I let it out. And maybe you’ll never really know what that meant to me. Maybe I’ll never say all of this out loud. But when I finally let that word go, it felt like breathing. Like telling the truth. I love you. Bahebek.

I love you forever.

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